Thursday, August 7, 2008

Join Us!

And by "us" I mean me.
I''ll be offering memberships in the near FUTURE!. You can spare yourselves another telethon/pledge drive/plead-a-thon/membership DRIVE by going AHEAD and sending me some money. I can't decide on what the premiums will be - you know the FREE STUFF you get for your donations?
Maybe I'll set up a PayPal account but in the meantime a pledge* will do.
*Pledge must be accompanied by funds.
You can send your love offering to:
Southern Center for the Advancement of Menimism*
P.O. Box 150421
Nashville, TN 37215

*The mailing address is real. Send your love offering today! Organization exists only in my mind and is for illustration purposes only. All funds will be used purely at my whim and are not tax deductible. No deposit, no return. Close cover before striking. You break it, you bought it.

Wednesday, August 6, 2008

Return of the Pleaders

On Thursday, June 26 I made the following prediction about PBS and their ubiquitous telethons:

So if the pattern holds we should see something along these lines again around mid-to-late August.

Annnnnnnnd . . . they're back! In less time than expected, too. (Thanks for not making us wait for yet another repeat of "One-hit Wonders & Tired Hippies".) The PBS telethons -sorry, pledge drives - are getting as common as those brought to us by Paul and Jan Crouch and the crowd at TBN.

Maybe PBS could get Jan to do a guest-host spot, bring a few hankies and tell some stories, trot out some video footage of doe-eyed kids around the world benefiting from her largesse in the form of Barbie dolls. Maybe Jan could toss in a Barbie for everyone who pledged at such-and-such a level? Maybe Paul could get a couple of the "Bishops" to come over and exhort us to sow a seed-faith offering?

Oh, and here comes Eric Burdon in that same, lame, mini-tent Hawaiian shirt.

As Homer Simpson would say, "Help me, Jebus!"

Now, when should we expect the next installment? I'm putting my money, er seed-faith offering, on the period of September 26 and October 4.

Touch somebody and say, "This is the season for your manifold manna harvest blessing!"*

*(For a montly pledge of 25 dollars. Manifold manna harvest blessing not valid in all states. Some restrictions apply. Void where prohibited. This offer is not a guarantee of said blessing. Package sold by weight, not by volume; contents may have settled during shipping. Fragrance free. No animals were harmed in the making of this offer. Warning: this blessing processed in a facility that processes peanuts. Do not take this blessing if pregnant or nursing or if you may become pregnant. Side effects may include gas, bloating, scaly patches, achy-breaky pelvis, Juggler's Despair, frequent urination and restless leg syndrome. If side effects persist or increase discontinue use and consult your local barista. Separate colors from whites and wash in cold water only. Use only a non-chlorine bleach. Lather, rinse, repeat. This offer may not be combined with any other offer.)