Monday, January 19, 2009

That sucking sound

I thought the US Congress had become the biggest bunch of blowhard windbag do-nothings ever elected in my lifetime. But these days I'm convinced that, when it comes to hot air generated, no elected body can touch our own Tennessee legislature when it comes to getting nothing done and taking a long time to do it.

You don't need a reason

to call in sick on your day off!
Just for fun, pick a day when you aren't scheduled to work and then call in sick. I can imagine conversations like this:

(phone rings and is answered)

"Thank-you for calling Jinky's Geegaws, how may I direct your call?"
"Uhh, I need to talk to someone to tell them I'm sick and not coming in to work today."
"Oh, I'm sorry, let's see . . . your name please?"
"This is Jimmy"
"Yes, Jimmy."
"I'm looking at the schedule and I don't see your name."
"I know."
"I don't understand . . ."
"Yeah, well I'm calling to say I won't be in."
"But . . . I'm confused, I don't see you scheduled to work today. Maybe there's a problem with the schedule."
"Could be, 'cause I'm not gonna be there and if I'm scheduled that's a problem."
"But you aren't scheduled."
"And I won't be in, just wanted someone to know, I'm not a lollygagger you know and I want whoever's in charge to get the message!"
"OK, I'll make sure they get the message."
"Yes, who is going to get the message?"
"Uh, well, I guess the manager on duty."
"OK, so you'll make sure they know that I called? I want to keep a good record."
"OK, I'll tell him you won't be in . . . but as far as I can tell you aren't scheduled to be in."
"That's right, must make sure that gets on the schedule."
"You want me to put that on the schedule?"
"That's right! Make a note on the schedule that I called to say I won't be in to work today."
"OK . . . maybe you should talk to the manager."
"No, don't need to, this is my day off."
"Then why are you calling in?"
"Because I won't be there!"

See where this has possibilities? As well as how I have way too much time on my hands? This is what happens when CBS replaces an episode of The Unit with (anything else). And soon football season is over and it can only get worse!

Sunday, January 18, 2009

Let that be a lesson to yuh!

Note to self:
When inspecting the chamber after locking the slide back on a pistol, keep fingers well away from the slide release.

(ow!ow!ow!ow!ow!ow!ow!ow! . . . really bad word here . . .ow!ow!ow!ow!ow!)


Sunday, January 11, 2009

What will it take?

(I'll have more to say - extensively - about this whole experience later.)

A few days ago I helped my sister bury her husband, Gary, who died of lung cancer. The effects of this cancer are particularly vile and evil. At the funeral service the minister - who was Gary's own brother - choked out his closing remarks with the last words that Gary spoke to him: "Promise me you'll tell them to quit smoking."

At the cemetary, while waiting for all the cars to arrive and everything to get underway, I saw someone step away and light up a cigarette.
I made myself not slap him in front of his family and friends, but only out of respect for my brother-in-law - who had become my friend, and my sister and her daughters. Otherwise, the left side of his head would still be ringing.

Just so you know, if you are an acquaintance of mine and you fire one up in my presence I'll take it as an intentional, personal insult.


Thursday, January 1, 2009

So Long, Two Thousand Eight

There was so much crap. I hated you at times, you know? That was some kinda you-know-what mind**** with what's-her-face. And the whole thing with layoffs and money and bills. Jebus. And you just kinda came and went didn't you? Just last year I was running up that hill right outside my house. I could smell a homefire nearby and it was cold. But, jebus, that thing with what's-her-face. That's one of them WTF episodes.

I did pay off a credit card but it was first one thing and then another after that. And people came and went. Friends and some family dropped off the horizon.

But, I'm not in ICU. My joints hurt sometime but - if properly warmed up and at peak fitness - I can still do maybe a 6 second 40. At my age, that's pretty freakin good. (At any age that's pretty good; at my age it's bloody freakin supernatural.)

I don't have a great place to live; I do have a place to live.

The work I do isn't the path I chose, but I have work.

I found out that some people who say they'll always be there for you, won't. But then I learned that there are others who always show up without a word. Code red, count on it.

Pain. I learned what real pain is like. I thought I knew what pain was but boy did you show me. Pain that doesn't respond to anything but time. Crumpling, deforming the body and mind, you showed me. But I learned tolerance and patience, and compassion.

I can hear; I can see; I can breathe without the aid of a machine.
I can read.
I have food. I have water.
I have . . . possibilities.
I'm alive; I have hope; I know that someday I won't be, but for now I still am.

So, no hard feelings.

In fact, thanks.

(Especially the health and hope part.)